Arguments and fights are part of every relationship. The difficult part is what comes after the arguments. It can be difficult to figure out how to apologize to your partner. You both are angry at each other, and the last thing you want to do is talk to them, admit your faults, and say “sorry.” In the wise words of Elton John, “sorry seems to be the hardest word.”
Yet, you must not forget the importance of talking it out, holding a healthy conversation, being honest, taking accountability, and apologizing sincerely. Admitting faults and apologizing to each other after a fight is essential for you to patch things up and make everything okay again. Apologies not only make communication better between you and your partner, but they also allow space for growth. Apologies can help you grow as a person because they shed light on behaviors you are engaging in that are not helpful to you or others
You and your partner need to understand how essential apologies are because if you don’t, you will only end up hurting each other even more. While relationships are obviously a two-way street, it never hurts to know how to apologize or avoid future fights.
If you let the resentment and anger brew inside for long, it can cause irreparable harm to your bond. If you are having trouble knowing what and how to say sorry, we have curated a list of 12 ways you could apologize to your partner after a fight with them.
Before we move on, if you want to post a picture with your partner after making up, do also check out
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- 1. Take accountability
- 2. Be honest about how you feel
- 3. Engage in a healthy conversation
- 4. Listen, listen, listen
- 5. Don’t bring up past arguments
- 6. Don’t give them the cold shoulder.
- 7. Give each other space
- 8. Be sincere
- 9. Efforts make the apology better
- 10. Ask what you can do differently
- 11. Don’t invalidate their feelings
- 12. Don’t force forgiveness
1. Take accountability
When you fight with your partner, you constantly complain about your partner’s fault, but you fail to look into your own actions. That is unfair to your partner. You have to learn to take accountability for your mistakes, faults, and how you treated your partner.
If you would rather blame your partner instead of owning up to your mistakes, you will push your relationship down a bitter hill. You can save yourself, your partner, and your relationship from this unnecessary drama by speaking up and taking accountability. By telling them that you are indeed sorry, the more open they become in making amends.
2. Be honest about how you feel
When in a fight, it is recommended that you be true to your feelings and speak up honestly, rather than trying to sugar-coat your stand on the issue. Not being honest about how you feel can lead to repressed feelings, misunderstandings, and unavoidable fights. Your partner will start to assume things, instead of being told the truth, and it will hamper your relationship. Your partner expects honesty from you, so be honest.
3. Engage in a healthy conversation
After taking a breathing space from your partner after the fight, reach out to them with a calm mind, and try to engage in a healthy conversation with them. Your objective of the conversation should be mending your relationship and behavior, and not playing the blame game. Do not instigate further fights, call them names, or be passive-aggressive. A healing conversation after a fight is essential to fix a relationship.
4. Listen, listen, listen
Another way to show that you are sorry for what happened is by listening to what your partner is saying. Ever notice how some people don’t listen, but only wait for their turn to talk? Don’t do that. It will only further annoy your partner. When you listen intently, you understand your partner’s perspective, their opinions, and you acknowledge their feelings. This will also show that you value their presence enough to listen, and want to resolve the problem for the both of you, and not just for your selfish benefits.
5. Don’t bring up past arguments
Don’t bring up past misgivings and faults done by your partner, it is extremely unfair for you to shove that at their face after they are trying to do and be better for your relationship. When you try to bring up the past, it only gives an impression that you haven’t really forgiven them when you said you did, and that you are counting your partner’s faults. They don’t have to continuously pay for what they did if they have taken accountability and apologized before. Instead, express your opinions about the matter at hand, and how you intend to solve it.
6. Don’t give them the cold shoulder.
If you need some space after a fight, that’s completely fine, as long as you tell them. Do not try to ignore your partner after a fight. Communicate how you feel instead of avoiding talking to them. If you do ignore or brush your partner off, they will take it negatively, such as you are punishing them, which might lead to further troubles in your relationship with them.
Giving them the cold shoulder will only alienate your partner and further complicate the dynamics of your relationship. If you cannot bring yourself to be your usual self around your partner, tell them that you need more time to get back to normal.
7. Give each other space
Adding onto the previous point, give your partner and yourself some space after a fight. The delicate balance between space and togetherness is essential for building a wholesome relationship. This becomes even more imperative after a fight. So give each other some space and time, so that you can both calm down.
It might not be easy to immediately forget the fight. Let your partner spend time away for a while. Let them cool down and reflect on things. After a fight, you may be feeling a lot of emotions, so you need time to process and reflect on them. You need to flush these feelings out as well.
Giving each other some space will help because it allows you to realize certain details, make better decisions, and deal with the situation in a clearer and more organized manner as well. Your partner will feel the same way too.
8. Be sincere
When making gestures of apology, you have to be sincere, both in your words and in your actions. For an apology to truly work, sincerity is key! By staying sincere, you avoid bringing dishonesty into a relationship that is already feeling tension.
A sincere, heartfelt apology is one of the basic and simplest things you can do to resolve a fight. So, admit your mistake and let your partner know you’re sorry. If you have promised not to do the said mistake, mean it. Actions always speak louder than words, so make sure not to make the same mistake again.
9. Efforts make the apology better
As emphasized before, actions speak louder than words. So, when you do apologize to your partner, put in your efforts to mean it. When making an apology, it is also best to say it with a present. You may want to cook something special for your partner, or treat them out on a date, or do something that you haven’t done together in a very long time.
Let this be the time for you two to relax and enjoy each other’s company again after the fight.
10. Ask what you can do differently
To make amends after the fight between you and your partner is up to the both of you. So, while you think you know what you did wrong, or need to do better, ASK your partner what you can do differently for them. It never hurts to ask how you can contribute to the overall well-being of the relationship. Find out what changes or modifications would help the other person. This is not to say you can always deliver those changes, but it gives you an idea of how to change the behavior in the future.
11. Don’t invalidate their feelings
You should never invalidate your partner’s feelings. If they come up to you and say that your actions hurt them, do not try to justify them. Accept their feelings, and apologize. Saying things like “I can see how that was hurtful” or “I can see why you’re pissed,” might make your partner feel acknowledged and validated. This feeling of validation will help them communicate better and accept an apology.
12. Don’t force forgiveness
Perhaps the most difficult part of making an apology is accepting the decision of your partner. You must understand that accepting an apology, and more importantly, forgiving someone, takes time, effort, and a lot of emotional investment. Hence, you must learn to accept outcomes and respect their decisions. If they say they cannot accept your sorry just yet, then make sure you are present with them and try to work it out.
Time heals all wounds, says a popular cliché.